Seven ways of being an Azeri man: Critical angle

I am sure Azerbaijani men reading this post will be furious and quite insulted. But to be honest, I don't even care. Living in Azerbaijan for more than 25 years was more than enough to observe behavior patterns of men. Therefore, I have enough leverage to speak about things that I have tested on myself. 

Of course not everyone is like this and there are ethical men around as well, it is just when you enter the country you see more of these kind of guys than those ethical. 

The purpose of this post is not to shame these men, but guide foreigners through in a way that they don't feel that shocked when they come to the country. 

Men of Azerbaijan have seven main patterns of behavior: 

1. Spitting: 

Azerbaijani men love spitting. It gives them an immense pleasure from pushing the saliva with their super powers. It could land anywhere. That's the best part of it. If you are in car? No worries. Open the window and spit anywhere you want. Baku winds will take them far away...to the fore-window of the next car, someone's hair, anywhere actually. Fun, no?

2. Littering: 

You have to garbage. That’s it! Cigarette cork, water bottle, napkins, anything. Men of Azerbaijan are busy. Are very busy and that’s why walking to the next trach can could be devastating. Why to bother? Toss it around and someone will definitely clean it. What do you mean? People are being paid for cleaning. Cleaning our garbage is their job. Do your best, I would say! 

3. Swearing: 

First thing you have to learn is how to swear. Throw "f**k" here and there. It is not fun if it is among men, you have to make sure women and children are around. Kidding me? This is how you are showing them your power. I am a man and it is quite ethical to swear. We are emotional people. We can't grow tumor inside; it has to be out somehow. 

4. Cheating: 

Oh, you are in relationship? No worries. Married? Even better! You can't cheat if you are single, isn't it true?! Therefore, if you want to enjoy the adrenalin of cheating, you have to enter a relationship or a marriage. Preferably with local women because they forgive a lot. If you don't cheat, you are not a man. Go cheat, stop waiting your lovely youth-hood. 

5. Loving: 

Love is not love if not exercised through innocent punch on your loved one. Once in a while it is good to show your "love" to your woman. Bruise is even better. More power, more love. We have a proverb or saying "If he beats, he loves". Enjoy your power. 

6. Apologizing: 

The only time men apologize for what they have said is when they speak about their wife or children. Before speaking about your wife or while introducing her, say: " Sizdə məni bağışlayın" (please forgive me), this is my wife. When you speak about your wife, everyone knows that you are f****** her, therefore, apology ahead is very respectful thing.

7. Blaming:

When children in trouble, remember, that can't be their or your fault as a parent. It is the fault of your wife/partner. Good kids are their fathers; bad kids are their mothers. Blame your wife for everything that is wrong with your kids. Beat her, swear at her, cheat on her, leave her alone with "her" kids. She won't run away, don't worry. Her family will bounce her back at you anyway. And yeah before I forget, if your wife keeps giving you girl child only, you have to blame her as well. You can’t blame a sperm though; it is the woman who cooks god knows what in her belly.

Of course this list could be as long as possible, but I decided to prioritize the main characteristics. Azerbaijani men have great patterns as well which I will be covering in these upcoming days. But till then, you will have to hold on to this one :)