How to date yourself? Part I

- You: You can't date yourself! 

- Me: Shut up! 

While there are millions of lonely hearts out there in the world, why one would date oneself, you may ask. Well, maybe to find oneself lost in the shades of others?! 

When we are young, people give us tons of crappy advice. Among many cool craps there is this special one which everyone keeps religiously believing. It’s called compromise! A big, fat, smelly lie that they force us to swallow. They use compromise to make us believe that either one of us in relationship should give up on oneself in favor of the other. While this might sound like a cool thing to have in relationships in fact it is one of the reasons why many fall apart. 

Women are perceived to have an edge over men when it comes to compromising. As 'fire keepers' of relationships and marriages women feel more responsible for the future of the union than men. Therefore, they more naturally give up on themselves to become the way the partner would like to see. No matter how judgmental and biased I may sound towards women, this happens to men as well. Less likely of course, but still true. 

When we leave a relationship, a partnership or a marriage after a long union, we take a very long, painful path back to ourselves. As if this is the worst road we have ever been. We start fearing oneness with ourselves. That's not because we have lost our loved one who was our last hope in this life, but because getting along with ourselves 
becomes awkward, uncomfortable and unusually hard. Everything becomes meaningless all of a sudden. Life so complicated. Tastes so sharp. Body so uncomfortable. Us unrecognizable. We cut our hair, color it, change city or work. Mornings become so boring, sun too shiny, moon too depressing. People pity us for being lonely. For being a looser. Who is that person in the mirror? -you ask sometimes! Well-its new you in old skin. Lost in shades of another lost soul. 

You are still you. The reason why you do not recognize is because they pushed you to disconnect from your own lovely soul. That's because you have abandoned yourself somewhere in that blue little dress with yellow tiny flowers, old sneakers, torn pajamas, that granny underwear that always made you all homey and comfy. That's because, every day you compromised, you gave a little bit of yourself away. That's because, you left yourself all by herself... Slowly, bit by bit you became a new you. What to do? Kill it? Kick it? Let go? Maybe, make peace. But how? I mean how should you go back to a normal life when you are not the same person you left don't even remember when?! 

Go back home, take out that torn pajama, put it on and come in front of the mirror. Stare at yourself for a while, maybe cry or maybe smile. Don't ask yourself how did you end up in here. Mess your hair with your right hand. Jump once or twice that heavy body that feels like ten tons. Pull the sides of your pajama or the blue tiny dress and like a little princes make a nice, gentle turn. Smell yourself. Smell a bit more. Sweaty, sour, delicious? Put your head on your own shoulder. Hard isn't it? :) Try the other side. Still hard? Then damn girl, start rolling your head. Make it look like an exercise. And yeah, try to pull your own hair. Damn, it hurts, no? Shit! Sorry! and finally, start singing your state hymn. I know it is boring, but sing anyway. If you are done, bow, say thank you and smile. Force yourself to smile. Do you recognize that silly girl now?! Just a little bit? Well, it is just the start. Keep reading, we are not done yet:) 

We all have an emotional break at one or many occasions of our life. Feeling sad, depressed, ugly, fat, skinny, unhappy, lonely is your right. You have all the rights to fall to the ground, break into tears, scream like crazy, smile, pull your parts together and glue it with hope again. Remember, we fall to stand up! Look at that little girl inside you. Tiny you. Does not she deserve more effort from you? Don't you want to sit in front of her and tell her that you will hold her hand, stand up with her and walk wherever she wants to go? Then do! Stand up! Reach your own hand. Tell her, you are the same you. You are beautiful! You are weak! But you will get stronger! You will lead her there! And lead!  

I know it is not easy. Nobody said it would. But close your eyes and feel me. We are all one! You, me, many others bleeding like you. Standing on our shaky legs we have never been this strong. This unbreakable. Time to walk. Time to conquer. Time to run. Time to give your hair to wind. It is time to love yourself again. It is time to date yourself!