Note: Dating experience is not very welcomed in Azerbaijan. Therefore, Azerbaijani women look at every relationship as a potential marriage and the guy as a potential marriage material. You say hi, and she already married you in her mind. Scary I know! Family immediately starts investigating your family and all ancestors. Friends investigate you and all your previous relationships. It is a full scale investigation on you. If you are an Azeri guy, then good luck. If you are foreigner, good luck too. But lucky you that they are not so good with international investigations. Long story short, every break up is a pain for the poor Azeri girl. I mean a lot of painful pain. Hope that this post will make them think twice before moving onto a new relationship or potential marriage.
Dear Azeri girl! Once you stop whining and mourning the loss of the potential father of your kids, you should not immediately jump into another relationship which has a potential damage on your nerves and life. Therefore, I suggest you stop dating guys at all for a while and date yourself. Dating yourself will be a new experience for you. Refreshing, eye opening, healing experience. While this is widely used in foreign experience, for Azeri women it is a bit new concept. I think it is worth trying and testing. Every new relationship you are stepping into deserves a new, fresh start. Traumatized you is just another crack on your newly started relationship. Until you are emotionally ready for another one, don't step into it.
I know it will hurt. Everything actually. Relatives' comments, friend's push and your ex's new life. So honey, pull yourself together and read on.
1. Meet the Pain!
Make friends with your pain. If your heart wants to stay alone, then stay alone. If your heart wants to cry, then cry. Watch some "aglamalinski" movie and cry as much as you want. Pain needs to be welcomed and sent as a guest. He comes and he goes. So, don't try to lock him in your wardrobe. Don't try to hide it. It will get even worse growing more and more becoming a monster inside of you. Don't make this fake smile to please your loved ones. Tell them actually how it feels. Tell them it is fucking miserable without that asshole. Tell them how much you are suffering. Believe me, it will please your pain sooo much that it will calm down and leave. So, if you want the pain go, then meet him with grace and sincerity.
2. Mock the ex!
If there are guys reading this, probably they will curse me, but they should know that this post applies to them as well. So, how to mock the ex? Once a week sms him. A sad, very sad, traumatizing, killing text. Tell them how miserable you are now and how much you miss them (only if you do. No need to lie). Tell them how you are trying to move on with your new life. Even if he does not write back, you keep writing. Once a week! No more! Once the pain is gone, he will be gone too. You will not need to write him anymore. The most important thing is to feed your heart. If your heart misses him, let him know that your heart is missing him. It is fare! And yeah, if he calls back or writes back, don't dare to respond. Remember, you are the one mocking him. Don't let him mock you as well! Only you are the boss!
3. Pamper yourself!
The main thing here is to see yourself in a third person. Call yourself "she". What she wants, what she feels, wh
at she is going through and etc. So, you need to pamper her. As much as possible. If you have read the previous post, you know that compromising to Azeri men means letting yourself go. So, what we are trying here is to bring her back to you. Bringing you to you!
Keep asking yourself what "she" wants today. Maybe she wants ice-cream, maybe she wants a black and white movie, maybe "she" wants to wear the red little dress and cream pumps with theatrical hair do and red lipstick? Give it to her. "She" deserves the best clothing you have, the best lipstick, the best cafe in the city, the best food, the best desert and best night time Baku ride. Main thing is here, not to feel weirded.
We have always been taught to dress up for someone or something. We were taught to always decorate ourselves for someone. Not true man! We are our own best person, best friend, best date, best parent and etc. First days, it will be awkward, I admit. You will hide in your phone, tablet or comp or book. You will be ashamed of being alone. As if everyone is looking at you. Let them, bitch! Let them enjoy the amazing view. Try to eventually eliminating all these distracters and stay alone. Smile at others when they stare. Eventually you will feel comfortable dating yourself. You will open yourself the door. Buy the best presents ever. Amazing flowers. Dashing dresses. Morning coffee to the bed and etc. You will soon understand that your best person in this wide world is you and you only!
4. Explore yourself!
When we enter a relationship, compromise monster makes us slowly give up on ourselves. We start liking the things that our partner does, or doing the things they like. Once the relationship is over, we find ourselves in an empty body which has nothing of our own. When we start a new relationship without finding ourselves again, it is hard to ground yourself. When I say explore yourself, I mean start studying yourself again. What are your likes, what are the things that you like certain way or certain food. It will help you to have a solid ground before meeting your dominant Azeri man.
Part of your self exploration could be doing something new. Learning a new talent or new skill that could bring you a new perspective. It could be a new language, pottery, simple drawing classes, carpet weaving, wood turning, tailoring, designing simple stuff from clay. Main thing is never to stop asking:"If you like it or not"
5. Travel!
They say if you are lost, then travel. Best way of finding yourself is first loosing it in an extraordinary culture full of scents, shiny buildings, historical avenues, winding streets, delicious food and moving music. I keep observing people being afraid of a change. Even when you tell someone that they have changed, first reaction is always rejection. They say they are the same. Then ask in what way?! We need to realize that we are not static creatures staying the same. Every second our body cells renew themselves. We are a new us every other second. Transformed and never the same. Why not to cherish that change and accept it the way it is?
As it says in "Eat, Love, Pray", "Ruin is gift. Ruin is the road to transformation". Standing up from these ruins you are in as a new person who has new likes or dislikes, new favorites, new style or values is the most natural thing. All you need to do is to allow yourself to change, to get lost sometimes and then find it as a tiny- shiny pearl. Keep traveling, keep exploring!
6. Kick the fear!
Another most natural thing is being afraid of new relationships or breakups. Accepting the fact that our brain is designed to scare the shit out of us, we need to move on with life. Sometimes fear is right, sometimes it is wro
I started dating myself in September of 2015 and surprisingly it continued for one year. I kept enjoying my own company, my own existence in my own life. I learned so many new things about myself that before I had no idea. I have started loving myself more and more. As I loved me more I have started accepting myself more. I blocked everyone's expectations of me. I have started living the way I wish myself to live. In the meantime, i got healed. My body, my mind healed itself as long as I trusted it. My self confidence boosted. I became more aware of my emotional ground. Misery I was in was gone. Fear became my friend. I still fear the most of the time, but some things are different as I fear and do anyway. I somehow became more mature. More of an adult, more of a child at the same time.
When I say date yourself, I mean it. From my own experience. From my own rite of passage.
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